"Oh, yes, and I almost forgot...

...you will meet Gareth in six months. She is being 'prepared'. Until then, we've decided to send you to the Academy for Silly, Stupid, Horrible Alligators and Terrapins (A.S.S.H.A.T.). My cousin, Daisy, is instructing there. He's a brilliant minesweeper. So talented, he doesn't even need flags. That'll come in handy for when you meet Gareth, as especially since she's always followed around by those grey blocks that explode when you touch the wrong one."

Ernest giggled. (Which is a strange thing to see. You see it is hard to tell what emotion a dustcloud is feeling. If it is happy, it looks dusty. If it is angry, it looks dusty. In fact, the only way we know that Ernest giggled is that when it did anything, it would comment. In this case, when Ernest giggled, it actually said, "Giggle". [Which is such a strange word. Seriously. Try saying it 30 times really fast. You'll never want to use it again.] It is for this reason, that it was uncomfortable to be around Ernest when it said, "Crap". All people could see was the dustcloud growing bigger. )

Orlando stood up quickly in protest of being sent to A.S.S.H.A.T., but banged his head on the curved roof of the watermelon house. As a shower of watermelon seeds rained upon him, the world went aqua, because that's what colour Orlando saw when he 'blacked' or 'aquaed' out.

Several hours later, he awoke to see...

And they all skipped home to...

...Their watermelon-shaped house, in which was situated five solid gold chairs, and seven Oompa Loompa bodyguards.

The door to this house was very short, so the three of them had to crawl through the entrance. When they got inside, there was a lovely lamb roast sitting on the table, happily eating the boy's parents.

"Do not eat my parents!" The boy shouted. Then it stopped. Following his castigation, the boy, Ernest and Dave all took up their seats in the golden chairs and watched as they were served by Oompa Loompas.

"Orlando, do not attempt to run away again. No matter how hard you try, you cannot escape your arranged marriage with Gareth. Yes, Gareth is a girl's name!" The father, who was fat, said.

"See, son, look at how well your brother and his partner are getting along." The mother, who was a Welsh Crocodile, said, looking at Ernest and Dave. The two lovers gazed lovingly into eachother's eyes with love. Or, well, dust, in Ernest's case.

Orlando's mother, the Welsh Crocodile, sat up in her seat. "Oh, yes, and I almost forgot...