Orlando opened up his silly little trolley bag, and reached in for his...

Sehrkühlerhaartrockner.

A sehrkühlerhaartrockner is approximately three feet long, and two feet wide.Orlando's was a particularly garish shade of yellow.Its function was to teleport the user immediately to their destination.

The single reason Orlando had not used this device to get to Academy for Silly, Stupid, Horrible Alligators and Terrapins (ASSHAT) as quickly as possible was that there was one unfortunate disadvantage a sehrkühlerhaartrockner carried with it: that whenever used, the user became blue, and grew a seventh arm on their head. But this effect only lasted for a few weeks, so Orlando had decided to utilize this instrument, just this one time, simply for the reason that he was not going to risk a run in with bad karaoke.

He cringed as he reached for the power button of the sehrkühlerhaartrockner. Then he aquaed out.

Soon, he awoke to see, not aqua, surrounding him, but blue. Plain, boring blue. Soon, he realized that the blue was just his seventh arm hanging in front of his face.

“Damn, now I’ve got to learn how to control this thing.” Orlando thought to himself.

With his first and second hand (The only other two in his possession), he removed the seventh hand from his face, and gazed around. He was astounded when he saw that he was in the courtyard of the bizarrely right-angled castle, known as the home campus of ASSHAT.

“Welcome, Orlando. I was expecting you.” A voice said behind him.

“No, wait. Wait!” The voice added. “I wasn’t expecting you, what was I thinking? Thinking! I was expecting coffee from my coffee machine. Machine! But it didn’t come! That made me angry. Now I’m angry. Angry!”

Orlando whirled, and saw who the voice was coming from. The voice belonged to…